She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
