you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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