He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
