hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
