sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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