well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
