honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
