my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
