he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
