You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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