Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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