i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
