We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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