True but thats because hes a fetus.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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