The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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