there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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