im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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