Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
