i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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