Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
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Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Those nachos came to me in a dream
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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