You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
