i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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