imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
