so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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