so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
