I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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