it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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