i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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