do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
