No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
