Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
