i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize