last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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