Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
