I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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