I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
