Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
