theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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