I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
