that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
