just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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