Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
