My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
smell my finger.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
