please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
