I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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