You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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