some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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