Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
