Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
