The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Terrible idea I love it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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