Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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