Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
