I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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