Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
