i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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