it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
