His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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