Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
