4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
