like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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