Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
