my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
tell me about the eggs
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