6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
